I am beginning to have feelings of emptiness again. This time it is harder. For a while I was feeling better and I was able to give all the credit to God because I had handed my problems over to Him. Well now, the fact that I feel like I'm moving backwards again confuses me. Maybe it is just a bad night. I'll give it some time.
There have been a lot of pretty serious illnesses being passed around at work. In the last week we've probably sent 5 kids home in just my class. As much as it worries me that I could get sick right before I leave for Greece, it is the most satisfying feeling to take care of a child that is sick and just wants to be held. This is one of the pluses of working with kids, being able to give love to children that need it. Today I had a girl that got a high fever, had a serious cough, and was crying for her mom. I got to hold her for almost a straight hour and there is really no greater feeling that giving out love, completely selflessly and expecting nothing in return. It sounds silly that I am saying this in terms of a little child, but I really have learned a lot from working there. If only it were that easy all the time.
I am hoping that through all of this learning and all of these struggles, that I am able to feel like myself again eventually. I used to be very confident in myself and who I was, but lately I've been knee deep in what feels like sinking sand. Here is to hoping.
20 days until Greece.
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