hard times

So I am a generally happy person, ask anyone who knows me and they will say I am pretty optimistic. I try to be positive about things and live life to the fullest. Well lately something has changed in me. Obviously with an intro like that, you know that it isn't the best of changes. Since my last breakup, I have been having trouble getting on my feet again. This is uncharacteristic. I am not saying that I am a heartless person, but usually my turnover rate is pretty fast. The day after the last few breakups I've gone through have been fine; I might even say great. Usually I feel relieved because it was the right thing to do or ready to move forward and get it out of mind. This time is different. It has been about a month and I am still not moving forward, in fact, I feel as though I'm moving backwards.
Every day it gets a little harder not to be with him. Every day I feel that any connection we ever had is fading away. The hardest part, for me, is that I know that I gave up on the relationship before it was over. I didn't realize how special what we had was, and threw my towel in. So cliche, typical "don't know what you've got til its gone," type of thing. I will admit it though, on the internet world for everyone to read, I was wrong. I may have passed up the best thing that has happened to me in relationships. HAH. As I write this, what song comes on? "Not Over You," by Gavin DeGraw. Hilarious.
Anyways, here I am telling the world that I am not okay. Not that anyone has asked lately, but I'm hurting. I will add that a lot of this has to do with being home. I love my family and spending time with them fills me up. With that, though, they are the only people I am spending time with. All of my friends, with a few exceptions, are back at school. They are in their own worlds out their, doing their own things. I am here, spending my full day at work. Now work is another story. The foundation that I work for is for support of single mom's and under-priveleged families. With that, the people that I work with and see every day are broken people. I can feel their pain when I am around them, even when they are smiling and appearing in happy and good moods. Not only that, but the people that come in to pick up and drop off their kids are struggling, and in turn this effects their children. It is a depressing place, really, but that is why I love it so much, I feel like I can make a difference. Maybe the kids won't remember me when they get older, but to know that I could provide love and safety to a few kids each day is enough to make me feel important. It is a win-lose for me.
So I have a job that is physically and emotionally draining, come home and have nothing to do every night, and then have an empty hole in my heart that I only have myself to blame. I'm always sick and tired. Life is just hard right now, and I don't really have many people to talk to about it. So world, here I am admitting that my happy looks and tweets and pictures and what not, it is an act for right now.
Anyone else going through the same thing, you are not alone.